I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
