So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
