so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
