I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it glows. i had to have it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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