I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
