Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
