dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
