are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
