Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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