He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
