Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
