this just has baby written all over it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
