Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
