Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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