they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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