paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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