Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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