Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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