Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
