As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
