i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
