The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
