what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
