If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
