Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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