he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
