it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
