Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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