How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
