Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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