im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
