That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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