i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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