wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
