somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there's paper in my vomit.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
