low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
