haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
