The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
