Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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