While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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