so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
