There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
