Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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