I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There's even glitter on my cock...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
