I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
