whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
