I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
