guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The police scanner is talking about you again....
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
