Kiss
Puke
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
