hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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