Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
