I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
