I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh god it's open bar.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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