I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
