You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
