I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We need to get me chipped asap
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
