So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And then my night got REAL pukey
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
