My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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