It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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