the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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