well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
