In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
