just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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